Merton

To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of hell. Selfishness is doomed to frustration, centered as it is upon a lie. To live exclusively for myself, I must make all things bend themselves to my will as if I were a god. But this is impossible. Is there any more cogent indication of my creaturehood than the insufficiency of my own will?

This was the epitome of my life, and still is a struggle for me. My frustration(sometimes extreme frustration)with the events of life are due to the need I have for those events to conform to "my will." I never quite saw it like this...how arrogant...pompous...selfish...I've actually convinced myself that I have a right to be frustrated when things don't go "my way."

Lord, open my eyes to this selfishness even more than you have. Cleanse me from this distorted view of myself, that I wouldn't see myself as more important than I really am.

font culprit

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font-size: 13px;
line-height: 18px;
}


The errant "p" in the first line, next to the {, was the culprit...I'm not sure how that little "p" made my font size go from 13 to 25 but somehow it did. I'm not an html scholar by any means, but I guess I just didn't understand the power of the p. If any of you happen to have a font malfunction, check your template for a misplaced p.

Of course any of you that haven't visited in the past two days have no idea what i'm talking about as to this font blunder, but I assure you, there is nothing more unsettling than having a font breakdown...ok, maybe there's a few things...maybe like putting your cell phone in the washer...or like putting two different cell phones on separate occasions into the washer...that ranks right up there with the font fiasco

wasting my time

I've just spent an hour trying to fix my font problem...the post body font just up and changed on me and now I can't get it back to its original size, what a pain...so as I have been trying this and that I had an epiphany of what the new title of this blog should be...that's right...Dilblog...it seems to fit...yeah, I think i'll keep it.

concert

we went down to Dayton last night for a chris tomlin concert down at island metro park. free concerts...those two words when used in the same sentence make for an extremely enjoyable time. We dropped macee off at my mom and dad's and headed down to meet up with several friends, my sister and bro in law even came up from mason, so it was well worth the trip.

It was a refreshing time, but it was a little tough to sit out there for a couple of hours in the 95 degree air temp while in the direct sunlight waiting for the concert to start. holy cow it was hot...

macee is sitting beside me reading her bible. She's describing the pictures as she flips through. She just said, "the words say no more chocolate milk." I told her eariler that she couldn't have any snacks because she didn't eat her supper, not even chocolate milk...apparently she's ready to dole out the consequences to bible characters too.

i was reading more mere christianity this morning and i am getting the picture of this book as a logical argument to "prove" the case for christ. i guess it is still good to think through those things, but i guess i see the times for us being able to use logic to 'prove' christ are vanishing fast if they've not already vanished. many people don't seem to have any affinity at all to logic. In fact, many of the problems we face in society would be taken care of if people acted on logical patterns of thought. People want to see Christ, experience him, see him living in the people that claim him to be the way, the truth and the life. i guess in the past people have been willing to accept the "case for christ" with little or no evidence of his real existence in others around them, but now people seem to want to see it first then maybe they'll listen to the "arguments"

i was at a concert a few weeks ago and the question was asked during the "talk" time at the end, "if you were to die tonight, would you go to heaven?" I just sat there shaking my head, but I wanted to stand up and blow my stack. We have been sold and have been selling a sham. We have reduced the gospel of Christ to a fear induced, hell focused, save your own shirt form of fire insurance. The results of this weak and watered down gospel is the generation we find ourselves in where there is no discernable difference between those who name christ as their lord and those that don't. We have an entire generation of christians that got "saved" for not no reason(or at least very little reason)other than avoidance of hell. My hope is that the holy spirit will continue to wake us up to the real life and purpose of the gospel of christ. myself included...may the way we live show the world that christ is who he says and is as real now as he ever has been...
jesus, thank you for grace, for lifting up out of our old life, for living in our place...

Big day...long night

Started reading mere christianity yesterday...I'm not sure what i expected, but it doesn't seem to be whatever that might have been...it's interesting so far...maybe more on that after i get a few more chapters into it.

It was big project day on the dilbarn too. i pulled off the huge double doors on the east side of the barn so i could begin to frame that in for the siding to be put on finally. The opening that the doors cover is 12' wide and 9.5' high, so the doors are pretty big. As i was taking the track off the barn i noticed several wasps entering and leaving a hole in the cover of the track.(not white anglo-saxon protestants, but the insects in case you were wondering)
i was being very careful not to disturb them too much and i was keeping a pretty close eye on them when one showed up from out of no where and seemed a little bit agitated that i was up there on the ladder so close to his dwelling. At this point i tried to jump off of the ladder, but my right foot got caught up and i came down from several rungs up and of course the ladder was soon to follow. Thankfully it is an aluminum extention ladder so it didn't cause any harm when it hit me.
i then got up and got the wasp spray and had it in my tool belt while back up on the ladder to contend with the several soldiers that were coming back to where the nest used to be as if to say..."my name is anigo mantoya, you killed my father...prepare to die." i never did like the movie princess bride, but it seemed to fit here.

Anyway, i was continuing to work and got the huge hole framed in, the new single door installed and i remembered i couldn't start the siding until i got the air conditioner installed in that wall next to the door i just put in. So sara dropped me off at home depot while she went to walmart to pick up a few things. however, while there macee began to dry heave and was an absolute mess. meanwhile i am picking out a 25,000 btu air conditioner that will not fit in our car over in home depot. Long story short, I sent sara home with macee and i waited for someone with a truck to get home so i could have them come and get me. Thanks mark...i owe you one...although i did kind of enjoy my time sitting outside with my monster air conditioner waiting for a ride. i almost went up to a couple of perfect strangers that owned trucks to see if they could take me home, but my pride kept me from it...maybe next time.

So we got home and macee finally fell asleep and quit puking. Then we decided to "camp out" in the living room in case she had troubles again. What a long night...She still has a fever of 103 but she isn't heaving anymore...poor little thing

The hole in the barn is still open, and i'm hoping no animals got in there and made a mess of things. macee actually said to me yesterday, "daddy, animals can come in and out and in and out of this hole...and they will poop in your barn." I hope she wasn't right...but that was still a pretty good observation, i was impressed.

Anyway, i don't know what spiritual significance i can glean out of any of this, but i know life is so good, even when you fall off of a ladder, get stranded at home depot, and your kid gets sick. We have been blessed beyond measure...I love my family

Life

Life is good and bad all at the same time. This morning Sara remembered that today was "story time" day at the library about a half an hour before it started, so Macee and I headed in as soon as we could and played for about an hour after story time was over. She always takes a little bit to warm up, but once she warms up she is pretty good around new people. She reminds me a lot of myself as a kid in that respect...(only i never really did warm up most of the time)i hope she doesn't end up as quite the loner i ended up as, or at least i hope she recognizes it and allows the holy spirit to begin to break up that thick shell. But anyway, we had a good time and i even went up and got a new library card myself. Last time we went i wanted to check something out and they confiscated my card...they said it was too old...

how can a library card be too old?...apparently after so many years of un-use they deam it nessecary to remove you from the system and take your card. Today then i made sure to bring a piece of mail with our current address on it(since my liscense doesn't)so i could get my new card. They almost made me pay a dollar to get a new card...and because i am such a cheapskate i said, "you mean that i have to pay a dollar because my card was taken away from me by someone that works here?" So she looked my name up in the computer and didn't find it, so i guess as far as they are concerned i never owned a library card...so i didn't have to pay a dollar after all. Although, i found out after that there was an 80 cent fine on macee's card, so those blood sucking librarians got their money anyway...i was just kidding about the blood sucking part...but we have noticed that sometimes they just don't seem very nice, whether they're trying to get a buck out of me or not.

So for myself, i was looking for brother lawrence "practicing the presence of God" but they didn't have it so i got "mere christianity" by lewis and "no man is an island" by merton. We'll see if i actually get much of either of them read, i've also got "making room for life" by Frazee that was given to the staff and board to read...

Sara took Macee to the pool this after noon...it was "free day" at the pool...and i think it is pretty clear by my conversation at the library that i'm into anything free...

We couldn't all fit around the table tonight and that bothers me...it probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. i really don't know what to do with this group...how much hands on and hands off to do. This wait and see is just killing me, but i guess we'll just keep waiting and listening for any direction we feel clear on.
i guess that's all for tonight.

The Dilpad

Here it is...I really should have taken a before picture...it was quite a site. I think the patio actually looks good at about the distance I took the picture...it's only when you begin to approach that it begins to look like the waves on a windy day at the lake, but at this distance it looks fairly level.
I know that this little area may not seem like much to the casual observer, but this little place to sit and relax will be a place where the kingdom will be built. A conversation, a listening ear, a need to belong...our hope is that Jesus would make himself known to those who share with us on this journey. Life is good, even when some things don't seem to be as they should...Blessed be your name...
Thank you Jesus, for your love and your faithfulness...you are our life, our light, our guide, our everything, let us not forget that you ARE the center.

readings

I was out this morning on the patio enjoying the cool temps and low humidity as i was reading a little bit from Crowder...

We may argue, "Isn't that praise? Songs = Praise, right?" I think
they're more like burnt offerings. The good news is that GOD doesn't
find fault with our song offerings. There's nothing wrong with them.
In fact, they can be beautiful expressions. But often they're nothing
more than ritual, and at their worst they can even be provoking to GOD.
Well then, what is he looking for? What is this praise He's after?
It is Praise Living. It is GOD leaning in and shouting, "I am the
center!" and the sum of our lives nodding back in agreement. It is
the core of our hearts echoing this statement...He is not begging to be
the center--He is the center. He is the source. Our songs might
verbalize and echo that at times, but so what? It is the nuts and
bolts of our living that indicate if we really think this is truth.
I would be so bold as to say eating barbecue and wearing the sauce on
your fingers and face and a grin as big as Texas with the knowledge
that Caps Lock GOD is at the center of this can be truer praise than
belting this "song ritual" that we have elevated to dangerous heights...
We, like the Israelites often find rescue in the burnt offering and
not in the God who is the source of all. We find comfort in the song
and not in the Comforter. It is a subtle but necessary shift. It is
more difficult to find the Creator in a barbecue sandwich than in your
favorite Sunday morning song, but when you do, when you begin to find
Him in the stuff of life, everything starts singing. Every moment
breaks into song. Every breath becomes sacrifice, and the songs become
sweetness. This is living praise.

busy day

I woke up with eyes matted shut and swollen to the point of looking like I had been in a pretty good fight. Once i was semi-recovered i decided to put the new screen door on the house. What a pain that was...it was one of those jobs where two hands weren't quite enough to get it all done at one time which made it into a much longer job than it should have been. Also, the directions didn't have very good pictures...i'm very big on pictures...with good pictures very little reading needs to be done. I still have memories as a kid of my dad reading directions for something and saying, "blah, blah, blah" as he read a few words here and there. i remember asking mom why the directions said "blah, blah, blah" and now i know why...
but it's done and it looks pretty good...better than the patio anyway...but that's not really saying a whole lot.

For some reason putting that door on just zapped me today. Then we had the double header tonight...won one and lost one...of course the one i played we won, yeah, like that really mattered, anyway, we had fun all the same.

now i'm watching letterman, i wanted to stay up and see the foofighters...boy, i just should have gone to bed. That was pretty bad... ok now it really is time to go to bed.

good times

We've had a good few days here in Dil-land...We were able to hand out with the Sterbas last night. Myles chicken pizza and tomato bread were flowing like milk and honey along with a tasty malt beverage. Ooooo la la was it good...in fact I believe i will have some leftovers tomorrow for lunch...or maybe I should have some right now...every time I open that fridge the scent just pours out of it, I take a deep breath, and the mouth watering aroma fills my nostrils with the things only dreams are made of...

ok, i'm back...wheeeww...I had to wipe up the drool off of the keyboard just then.

So tonight Scott, Dave and I went for a ride on the bikes. let me say that my alergies are getting worse every year since they started 4 years ago. i've been double dosing on the medication and i've had to try some other combinations since my prescriptions aren't working very well anymore. So when i ride with my half helmet and no face shield my eyes get bombarded and i'm still waiting for my windshield to come in. So we were riding all over the place and my eyes felt like they had gravel in them. We stopped at the sterling store in napoleon and i looked like i had smoked the biggest dooby ever rolled, I'd never seen my eyes that red before. I had all kinds of goop I was trying to wipe out of them and finally got them cleaned out. i didn't think it could get much worse, but then it got dark...which doesn't go well with no wind shield or face shield. So i was getting pelted the whole way home and when i got in i thought i would check out the damage...I had bugs everywhere...stuck to my face, glasses, ears, eyebrows...even in my ears. yikes
other than that...it was a great time

I guess I don't have anything deep to talk about tonight, although i was checking out world vision(thanks for the suggestion Kerri) for beginning to sponsor a couple of families. We need to get that rolling soon. I don't know why we've waited so long to start this. I've been thinking for some time now about hunger and poverty world wide, but I guess the fear of these companies taking most of the money and giving very little to those in need has always made me a little bit apprehensive to take the plunge.

There are a few others i'm adding to my blog list shawn, jennifer, and stephanie. Shawn was one of the high school buddies that i was hoping would enter the blogosphere. hey Mike, do you hear that? Both Shawn and Lee have gotten on the blog bandwagon(although lee already fell off it I think)

conversations with macee

We have a barn cat that I'm not entirely fond of, but he's kinda growing on me. He became the topic of conversation this morning with Macee for some reason. It went something like this:

Macee: Daddy, the cat doesn't like you
Me: What?
Macee: The cat doesn't like you
Me: Yeah, the cat is scared of me isn't he?
Macee: Yeah, Leo doesn't like your bald head

I thought that conversation(which was totally out of the blue)was worthy of repeating.
I have been trying to get a patio done here at the house for a place to hang out since we don't have a front porch. It is almost done, but my hands and forearms are so sore right now, I'm not sure how I'm going to play my guitar tonight at practice. We moved 5,500 lbs of bricks on Tuesday night and 500 lbs of sand, so I've been pretty busy getting this thing done. I still have a screen door to put on and a swing to put together for this patio, then I can get to work on the barn(I hope).

I was surprised to see an interview with Brad Pitt the other night concerning Africa and the need for the USA to begin to really do something about hunger and poverty throughout the world. It got Sara and I thinking again about adopting a few children through a reputable relief agency. Any suggestions for a company where the kids actually recieve the bulk of the money sent?
I don't know if Brad knows much about Jesus, but he has at least begun to see the responsibility we have to redistribute the wealth in the world. He talked of his need to "simplify" and get rid of so much "stuff" he has accumulated. I really believe that change in this world will take place because of disciples of Christ making a difference through the Holy Spirit on the "grass roots" level, but that kind of press can't hurt. I hope and pray that people were moved by the information given in that interivew and that we(as the church)continue to do what Christ would have us do in caring for the hungry.

what a life

so we're done with school...woooohoooooo...

maybe I should just stay in teaching. I haven't had any clear direction about getting out or even changing jobs at this point. I am changing rooms though, one of the two science teachers we lost this year to retirement has an awesome room and i'm taking it. i started moving in the day after he left. I am actually excited already thinking about having a much nicer place to teach and manage classes of up to 30 students. I know that being jesus where i am in this job is as important as any other job right now, it's just a matter of making sure this is still where i am supposed to be. The problem is that this year i haven't really been a very good jesus at school...i became what i used to be and it wasn't good...

thank you for grace Jesus, for fresh starts

Macee and i were outside this evening transplanting some flowers out of an area that we are going to be making into a stone patio and into an area under a tree out by the road where we never did get any wild flowers to come up last year that we planted.
She was an awesome help and was in there watering and getting dirty saying things like, "I need to flower the plants right now." This spawned a lesson in the planting and watering of flowers...she caught on quickly. She was filling up her watering can with the hose, "by all myself" as she says and so i wanted to go inside an get the camera. As i came back outside, I saw that she had taken off her panties and shorts as she was bending down and filling her watering can again. It was a kodak moment...i took several...maybe i'll post a couple. They were some of the cutest pictures and i'm sure they will be the source of many embarrassing moments as she gets older.

No work tomorrow and i am looking forward to maintaining a schedule (unlike what we did last summer). We'll be laying out a list of things to get done this summer including the barn...if it's not usable space within the next several weeks i am going to be awfully disappointed. i've also started to get some songs recorded, 3 down and about 3 or more yet to go. maybe i'll post one after we get all the other instruments tracked in...we'll see