The Lord is still shaping what He wants this music ministry to look like in the future. I wish that He would just lay it all out for me. I am having a difficult time putting thoughts together. He confirmed that all of this talk isn't just a man made dream by having a few other people see that we are here to do more than just Sunday morning worship. Not to minimize the corporate worship that takes place Sunday mornings by any means, but to take the worship in song that we embrace in the church and show the world what that looks like. The world doesn't know what it looks like to offer up a real sacrifice of praise using a musical style that is familiar to them. I hope that through this effort people can see that worship in song is real, authentic, personal, corporate, and our natural response to the awe we have for the Creator that gave up His own son just to save us, His creation. Not only that, but I hope that through all of this people can begin to see how small a part music plays in the overall concept our offerings of worship. I want to help people really understand what worship is by the way we live as well as the songs we sing.

Just had a Sunday where I really didn't feel like worshipping. Yeah, I know it is Easter Sunday...how dare I feel that way. It is ok to not feel like worshipping... it's just not ok to use that as an excuse not to worship. It is especially hard when you are supposed to lead people in worship, but emotionally you just aren't there. Emotions are great, I like them as much as the next guy, but they are also a real pain because they will mess you up.

Subject Change...

We will soon be entering the interim period between buildings at BGNAZ. I can't wait for this time to come. We will be forced to deal with the fact that we really are just passing through. We have nothing of permanence here except for the testimony of our Father's saving grace.
We will also be forced to enter our community to minister to people rather than the "starting a program at the church and hope that the community will show up" way of ministry. It will take an intentional effort once we are homeless, but I can see us coming a little closer to the picture of "Christ's Body" painted in the 1st Century Church through this experience. If we don't begin to live with that intentional lifestyle of worship, then we will just be a few more months closer to extinction.

I am ready to see the "New Church" take its form here in BG.
Lord prepare us for the cleansing, purging, and purifying you are about to do here in this body of believers. Continue to stir up the hearts and minds of the people that will begin to take the lead in this next phase of the growth You have planned for us.

I heard Chuck Swindoll tonight on the radio and he said some things that really got me.(April 10th broadcast)

"The way I behave when there's no one else around to hear or see is me, everything else is just a sham."

I am many different people throughout the day. I often blend into the crowd I am in, or at times I hide what I really am so people will think the show I give them is the real me. At home I am the real me...but around friends and strangers the sham begins.

Lord, Help me to be authentic. I don't want to live as two different people...form me into the person you would have me be and give me the strength to live it daily.

I continue to see my weaknesses in this leading worship thing. God continues to tell me that I am the one He wants to use, but I can't see why. His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses, so He says, but I don't feel like that is happening right now. There is a balance between having confidence in what the Lord has called you to do and allowing that confidence to go unchecked. While at the same time there is a temptation to beat yourself up for the shortcomings you possess. I hope I can begin to find a balance in that area.

If worship is really all about Him like it is supposed to be then I just hope I can hide behind His glory so that people will begin to see less of me and more of Him. I think my presence may bring people to the place where they become dissatisfied with the "show" of worship we have perpetuated because I am definately not a "show" level of talent.

In the end I know two things...I want to worship my creator with all of my being and in all that I do...I hope that my "leading" in worship can aide other people in doing the same thing.

Lord, hide me so that people will see You and You alone.